Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Why hasn't God removed this struggle yet?

It's so good to rest in the presence of the Lord after I stubbornly fought and rayed so hard to get me out of my current situation.

Example are these 6 pieces of clothing I've just washed. Haha.. This was done for 2 days! (Walay jam!) I wanted it to be as white as snow (char.com), and so I put on more Zonrox and Surf (libre commercial) powder on them. I finally stopped when I couldn't get it done. I finally decided to put on Zonrox again, and then leave it. So I did. And ta-dah! When I took it out, it was perfectly imperfect!

It's been a year now, and I think a few months (I can't remember anymore), and I am still struggling with my finances. And I've thought of so many ways on how to get out of this hole, praying with a broken heart, and so helpless.

I've made an excel sheet to list down my expenses (bills and money I owe people), tried my best to write a budget and to no avail, still end up out of the budget. 

I tried to ignore it and eat, eat eat! Haha. And then I come face to face with bills I needed to pay, so I feel this little twinge of regret for squandering my money just because I wanted to eat this and that. 

I borrowed money to pay another bill or money that I owe to another person (which I really hated to do, and never wanted to do, but then, I DID! OMG!). Reality bites, I still am short on money.

Finally, I came with another revelation that I don't have to fight it. I've been praying for this problem to be removed from my life, and I asked: "Why hasn't God removed it yet?" 

At first, I thought it's because He wanted to punish me. Or maybe somewhere down the road, I made a mistake of giving my tithes, offerings, the portion to the Man of God, et cetera, that's why I'm suffering this. I couldn't even complete my pledge!

I soon realized that I've been praying the wrong prayer (yes, there is such a thing as wrong prayers). Why hasn't God removed this struggle in my life? Yes, He is teaching me something. I've come up with a few realizations that have broken me humbly and trusted God to do something about it. But, there's more. So today, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me strength as I go through the process. To help me get through this with His grace and love.

 Now, I understand what 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) says: 

 "Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me."

Job went through the worst ordeal of his life, but in the end, the Lord has blessed him twice as much as he had before. I have received promises from devotional, and I decided, to believe that it shall come to pass soon. 

 Isaiah 61:7 (NLT)
"Instead of shame and dishonor,
    you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours."

So, girls and boys, go through the process if God hasn't removed that struggle in your life. Continue to pray, and believe.

"Perhaps your last place of service to the Lord seemed to be a complete failure. Yet it is possible that the Lord has simply been making you perfectly weak so that He might manifest Himself perfectly strong within you." -Ministries of Francis Frangipane

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Lord, Help Me Let Go...


Today,  I asked the Lord to help me let go. 

And piece my heart back to make it brand new. 
Because of my first marriage, my first love, everything in my life just fell into pieces.

After that, my heart has never been the same. 
My life never really became better. 
I carry the sadness and the regrets that has shaped my present life. 

I never really moved on. 
I firmly believe that we are more than our mistakes. 
But I still have a lot of wounds to heal.

Every day, even though I try to forget it or deny it, 
The past still catches up on me.
And I feel the pain again and again.

I find it hard to renew my life, 
To restore how I was before,
Or even make a brand new me.

Lord, today I ask for a brand new future,
New hopes and new dreams.
Please, help me let go,
So I can move on and start anew. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A Birthday Message for my Godson, Liam Issachar

Yesterday was Liam Issachar's 1st birthday. And it was carefully prepared by his parents (my friends in church) with love. A lot of people have helped and put all their talent and efforts for the party as his mom wanted a DIY party. The theme was Woodlands.

His mom showed pictures of how the party should come out. I really admire this girl, but can be annoyingly great, because whenever she envisions something, it happens. But for now, I will focus on my little godson, Liam.

I never expected to become his godmother, but his mom asked me if I can. I said, Yes of course, as it is always an honor to become a godparent. It means the parents thought of you well. Well enough that they think you can be a part of their child's life, and help them guide their child.

This blog post won't be too long, but I want this to be memorable enough for my godson as he is my first godson in this church from parents who are both prayerful, and both trusting in God.

Dear Liam, 
The line I loved you even before I saw you is real. Your parents waited for you, prepared for you, and prayed for you to come into their lives. I remember one Christmas party in the church, they asked Pastora Miles to pray for them. She prayed for your mom's womb to be opened, and I can see from their closed eyes that they sincerely wanted you. Well, they haven't seen you yet, but in their hearts, they believed that God will give you to them. 
When your mother found out about you, your parents were happy and excited about you, but they didn't tell us for a week or so ( I really can't remember), but I can remember that we all gushed in glee about the good news about you. We didn't know you were a boy, but we were already excited about you. I was genuinely happy for your mom and dad. They were both ready for an additional person in their family, and that was you.

They prepared a beautiful Gender Reveal Baby Shower to let us know if you are a boy or a girl. 

Countless times, I saw much love and care showered upon you not only by your parents, but by other people as you give joy to them. The Lord has given you so much favor as He has given your parents. Below, you will see a few photos of us spending time together with you. Though you may not remember them as you grow, but I hope and pray that when you see these, there will be much warmth and love in your heart. 
At Eden on my 33rd birthday when your parents and Ninang Jade surprised me. Aren't they sweet?
Swimming at Eden's pool. Your dad took our picture.

During our cell group with our girls, you were there, too! 

Still at Eden. You must have been shocked at Tita's big smile, right? Ha-ha!

Baby Wyann's birthday party at the Hacienda, where you also celebrated your 1st birthday! Oh, wow! 

Our Lee MinHo baby because your mom never really liked anything about Korean, but suddenly became a fan of Lee MinHo when she became pregnant with you. And your dad was just with your mom every step of the way. They were both delighted for every little progress you showed.

Your mom and dad were partners for you. They shared beautiful memories with you and these videos were just some of it!

Just to show proof that we were excited about you, I helped in making this video. Well, I was the one recording this short video, so it isn't much. But know that we did made an effort for your mom's pre-pregnancy before she delivered you! :) 

Liam, I pray for a great future for you. I pray that God will use you mightily with your talents, and ability to bring joy to people. I pray that you will grow up wise, and smart, and happy. I pray that you will be a joy to your parents, and your parents will be your bestfriends. God has already planned everything for your life, so I am pretty sure that those rough patches will help you to become a better, prayerful, and God-fearing man! :) 

Happy Birthday, Liam! 

Lots of love, kisses, & hugs,

Tita/Ninang Judee