Monday, February 8, 2016

When God Doesn't Make Sense

It's been a year and I never thought I'll experience a much longer wait than I was used to. It was painful as I waited for another job to come through, and I cried many times in my room praying to God about what's happening. It's touching to me that people would just message me, and let me know that there will be better days. There were unexpected help, encouragements, and cheers coming from my co-workers, friends at church, and my twin.

The devil will use this waiting time to his advantage, especially when he sees that you are starting to struggle. He might not be able to stop your prayers to God, but He will definitely make a way to make you stop praying. You might even start to lose your determination, confidence, your belief in what God can do. You might even start to think of ways on how to solve your problem. I wanted to, but in my heart, I knew God was going to do something. It was the uncertainty of not knowing how He's going to do it, and when it will come that made me a bit fidgety

One Saturday in January, I just cried and talked to the Lord. I was asking Him a lot of things, I told him how worried I was but I didn't want to act on it, knowing that He can do better than I can. I didn't want to move or decide rashly. The next day, a friend at church approached me and told me about her devotional. She told me that the Lord wanted me to know that He hasn't forgotten me. I thought by next week, I'll land a job already, but that didn't happen. The Lord is mysterious in so many ways. As I stopped struggling, and just went through the flow of endless interviews, I got hired. That's when God moved, and it was truly unbelievable to me. Truly, waiting can be painful especially when God doesn't seem to make sense. There are fears in my heart, one would be how long will I be able to stay in this job? But God has highlighted a few things during my months of struggle with just a part time job, until I lost the job, and had to wait for a month to get hired again.

  • Highlights during the wait
  1. Once I start getting my paychecks, SAVE MORE. And I plan to save not just to get by when things get tough, but more than enough.
  2. Secure another means of income. So when I lose one, I still have another means to keep my cash flow going. 
  3. I can live with just P6k per month. And I was definitely able to do survive way lower than that.
  4. Split paying the bills in a month. Because I want to live really lower than my means, I have to pay the bills in half for every paycheck I receive within the month. That means if my electricity bill is at P3k, I can pay half of it on the 15th, and then half on the 30th.

I need to get back on my feet again, and make sure that I still give out my best even if it means I might lose some of the important things in my life again in the long run (one of them is my job). Just like the story of Job, if you stay with God and persevere, God will give back to you double for every trouble (Job 42:10).

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